"I Feel Fat"

Often a sentence that comes up a lot in my coaching whether it’s in sessions or in check in forms. 

The thing is physical fat stored in our bodies is not an emotion and therefore is not something that we can ‘feel’. 

‘Feeling fat’ is a story we share with ourselves or others to describe a (usually) negative state of being. 

The main reason for intensity or frequency of this thought is this:

Overvaluation of shape and size of your body. 

In other words. Too many of your eggs are in one basket. Its importance in the world is skewed. 

This can be due to many reasons: 

1. Maybe you felt worthy or loved in a smaller or different body and have correlated the two. 
2. It played or still does play a large part in your identity e.g PT or athlete 
3. You received a lot of external validation for your body. 

Really what you’re describing is an alarm bell going off in your brain. This was most likely triggered by some form of bodily awareness:

•  Someone commenting on our appearance (in either a positive or negative manner)
•  Feeling sweaty
•  Feeling movement or wobbles during exercise
•  Clothing that feels tight or feels unusual against the skin
•  Seeing pictures of yourself

Being able to communicate exactly what it is you feel is important. Is it that you’re: 

•  Feeling unwell
•  Feeling low
•  Feeling bored
•  Feeling lonely
•  Feeling unloved.
•  Feeling bloated

Use journalling to get specific and honest with yourself. 

I asked one of my amazing clients this week how strong her inner critic was because negative beliefs held in relation to the body reinforce the hard, internal critical messages one says to oneself in other areas of life too. I imagine you find yourself a perfectionist at home or your job. You have high standards. 

She confirmed it was pretty high. 

Compassion for oneself can be lacking with those who struggle with bad body image so development of it is key. Rewriting that narrative takes time. 

I want to reinforce something I hope you take comfort in. 

You are not your body.

The same way in which you are not your job. You are not your relationship.

You are YOU. 

If I asked you who you were other than your job what would you say? 

What makes you the uniquely wonderful and amazing person you are? What do you stand for? 

Of course those things I listed above can and may be of immense value to you.

Even your body. It deserves to be respected and honoured and treated with kindness. You can and should value it highly. But often we choose to seek to change our bodies as a form of controlling other stressors in our life.  

To punish ourselves or confirm our negative thoughts. 

Your body is not your worth 

You are so much more than your external shell. I hope you find comfort in knowing your true value and beauty lies in everything that you are and not just one thing. 

It’s ok to desire to change it. From a place of love and compassion. At the end of the day no lasting change comes from hate. No devil on your shoulder or negative thought should be held onto for long periods of time or even at all. 

I’m often in awe of my clients and how amazing they are. The lives they lead. It seems a shame to lose that in a skewed perspective of where their true value lies so I try to remind them of how hard they work and all the struggles they have already faced. 

You have so much more to offer the world than your body. 

Love didz x