The myth of normal: Must we suffer into truth?

Shadow work before it’s too late…

I have been absorbed in the world of Gabor Mate for many months now. Having just finished “The myth of normal” it left with me with several quotes to ponder.

The title of this being one of them. "Must we suffer into truth?" 

The idea that leading a life of inauthenticity and the effect that has on the body had never occurred to me. The way medical conditions can arise as an accumulation of your life story was an intriguing one I couldn’t help but recognise many of my clients being pushed and forced into noticing. In the way Van der Kolk highlights in “The Body Keeps the Score”.  I wanted to ask the question of why do we wait so long to acknowledge what our bodies needs? I believe it lies in not addressing first what our minds need first.

Authenticity is more marketed than it is manifested on social media. I often discuss with my clients the many masks we wear each day to mirror the image we want others to see. The emotional chameleons we subconsciously become to soothe and meet the needs of those around us. Usually this accumulates in the holy grail of burn out, physical or mental. Either way whats in must come out. Usually it’s pretty ugly….

It often leads however, once realised, to an Indiana Jones style quest to get back to the essence of who you truly are. Your true self. The years of mask wearing can lead you to question what this true self even looks like. After all how would you? You didn’t even know those masks were being used half the time.

Why are we so consumed with the judgement of others? Of people seeing the true us? I can answer that one pretty quickly if i’m honest.

It’s because somewhere, someone. Taught you your true self wasn’t enough or even too much. Either way you didn't feel your true self could be shown.

From the subtle undertones of childhood trauma or generationally passed down like the christmas gift you never asked for. It doesn’t take long to find the source. To find out when and why you started suppressing your true emotions. It was probably easier for you not to. Maybe you adopted the role of peace keeper in your family. Maybe you ended up in a role reversal of parenting your siblings or your parents themselves. Maybe you were the eldest child with great responsibility.

It takes the parenting from secure attachment styles and a childhood of needs being met to escape it. All of which are almost unheard of I think you’ll agree in todays society.

Take the childhood adverse experiences quiz and I think you’ll start to burst the bubble on many a “perceived happy childhood.” ACE QUIZ

But why must we wait until our bodies have had enough? before they call us out on the years of people pleasing and emotional suppression.

Before our coping mechanisms no longer work anymore. #gymistherpay (it is not. I can tell you that for free)

Well good news. You don’t have to wait. Authenticity is a practice. One you have to show up with almost every second of every hour of every day living by. It’s a slow and sometimes painful process to start taking those masks off.

As Gabor says “That some attachments may not survive the choice for authenticity is one of the most agonising realisations one can come to; and yet, in that pain, there is freedom”

I'll be honest that one hit me a like tonne of bricks. 

So take a deep breathe and decide which mask you would like to take off today?

Didz x